Beispiel für die Bewertung der Darstellungsleistung in einer Abiturarbeit im Fach Englisch

Grundlage:

Abiturklausur Grundkurs Englisch 2012, GK HT2

https://www.standardsicherung.schulministerium.nrw.de/abitur-gost/faecher_aufgaben.php

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Text: Michael Bloomberg, “Remarks made by Michael Bloomberg, the mayor of New York City, about a mosque being built in Southern Manhattan”, August 3, 2010: http://www.nyc.gov/portal/site/nycgov/menuitem.c0935b9a57bb4ef3daf2f1c701c789a0/index.jsp?pageID=mayor_press_release&catID=1194&doc_name=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.nyc.gov%2Fhtml%2Fom%2Fhtml%2F2010b%2Fpr337-10.html&cc=unused1978&rc=1194&ndi=1

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1. blaue Schrift: Schülertext

2. rot unterstrichen: sprachliche Korrektur

3. hochgestellte rote Zahlenindices (1-9) : Kriterienbezug zu 1-9

4. blaue Schrift, gelb unterlegt: Wörter oder Sätze des Schülertextes, die die Grundlage für die kriteriengeleitete Bewertung (Kriterien 1-9) in positiver oder einschränkender Weise darstellen

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1. Point out the reasons why Bloomberg supports the

building of a mosque close to Ground Zero.

(Comprehension)

The political speech extract “Remarks made by

Michel Bloomberg, the mayor of New York City,4

about a mosque being built in Southern

Manhattan” by Michel Bloomberg4 on August 3,

2012, deals with a mosque which will be built in

the near of the World Trade Center Site.2 The

speaker, M. Bloomberg4, tries to convince the

New Yorkers to accept this. He speaks to the

inhabitants of New York and espacially to those

who are against a mosque there.

His most important reson1 is that everyone7 who

lives in New York belongs to America and so

they7 are a comunity. And in this community

everyone7 has the same rights. That means that

everyone7 can believe in his God. Bloomberg

says7,8 that the Muslims are a part of New York

and that some of them were also killed on 9/11

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and that they were grieved like all other

Americans.9

Bloomberg also named2 the firefighters who

Helped on 9/11 and died to rescue the victims

without any prejuices because of their religion.

He says that7,8,9 they protect the Constitution, in

which it is said that everyone has the same

rights, because of that1 they7 would not respect

the died firefighters when they7 are against the

mosque.

2. Analyse the way Bloomberg tries to win his

audience to support the building of this

mosque. Focus on his line of argumentation, use of

rhetorical devices and communicative

strategies. (Analysis)

Bloomberg uses a lot of technical devices8 to

convince the New Yorkers from this mosque.1, 3

The speech can be devided in four parts.1, 3 The

introduction (ll. 1-5), the main part which can be

seperated in two parts, one says that they7 are

one nation (ll. 6-29) and the other deals with

9/11 (ll. 30-37). The last part (ll. 38-44) is the

result and Bloomberg also reminds that they7

have the same values and traditions (l. 42).

He7 starts his speech3 with an anecdote in which

he says that the7 stand there where a long time

ago the first settlers stand. In this case he uses

the metaphor8 of “seed of religious tolerance” (l.

2)5 wich were first planted by them7. The

sattlers were from diferent countries and had

different religions, but they started living

together in harmony. It was the beginn of the

american nation. With this example he shows

that the people in America can live together till a

long time and that they respect the other

religions.

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He mentioned2 the statue of liberty (l. 3)5,

because they stand in front of her. She is the

symbol of equallity8, a landmark for New York

and the first building wich the inmigrants see

when they come to New York (ll. 2 f)5. All that

shows7,8 that she is a very important symbol for

America and a representative of the american

Constitution.3

The comparison8 “as strongly as ever” (l. 4)5

shows that he7 thinks that they7 can do

everything7 when they act like one nation.3,9

The correctio8 “everyone – everyone with a

dream and a willingness to work hard and play by

the rules”5 shows tha9 nearly everyone can live in

America and join the nation, when they7 respect

the law. This could be a remind for the New

Yorkers that the muslims can live their religion

and built a mosque where ever they want.3

Bloomberg says7,8,9 that New York is the city of

inmigrants who speak a lot of different

languages, religions, origins.5 But that that7 is

the reason why New York is what it is7. He

refers to the meltingpot wich says7 that a group

of different people melt to one big group,7 like

the people in New York. He underlines this by

saying7: “you are New Yorker” (l. 19).5

Afterwards3,4 he mentiones the attacks of 9/11

wich he called an attack on the “spirit of

openness and acceptance” (ll. 13 f.)5. He uses

strong words8 like “killed” (l. 15) and “murderous

fanatics” (ll. 15 f.)5 to remind the people on the

feelings they had after 9/11 and that they all

feel like a nation.

He support this when he says that7,8,9 the World

Trade Center “will forever hold a special place

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[…] in our hearts” (l. 19).3,5

Then3,4 he first mentioned the muslims who were

also under the victims of 9/11 like a lot of other

New Yorkers.5 And that they also were in

mourning.6,9

Then3,4 he named2 the firefighters who helped

all persons without thinking on their religions.

Bloomberg says9 that they fought for America

and their Constitution and that he won’t offend2

them by forbid the muslims to build a mosque in

wich they can pray to their God.

In the end3,4 Bloomberg says that7,8,9 the most of

the local community board voted for the mosque.

That shows that7,8,9 the New Yorkers support his

opinion. Also3 he reminds that till a long time the

values and the traditions of the New Yorkers

stay the same. He says that7,8,9 every

neighborhood has God’s love and mercy wich

reminds the New Yorkers for the last time that

God loves them all.

Bloomberg uses an easy sentence structure with

simple types of subordinate clauses and an easy

language.5,8 So he can be sure that everyone in

New York can follow his speech. This is really

important for him because of the lots of

inmigrants who lived there.

Also3 he often uses words8 like “we” (f.ex. l. 4)5,

“everyone” (l. 6), “you” (l. 10) and “our” (ll. 16 f.,

19, 42)5 that means that he speaks directly to

the listeners – the New Yorkers. He creates a

special atmosphere wich shows the idea of a

nation/a community.

That religious leaders of diferent religions

support him shows that they stand behind his

opinion and that they believe that it is right to

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build a mosque there.3,9

All in all he did a speech wich is mostly based on

the feeling of nations and communities.

Bloomberg uses a language wich everyone can

understand because New York is a city with a

high rate of inmigrants.3

3.2 Imagine you are a New York City firefighter and

a member of one of the 9/11 rescue teams. You have

listened to Bloomberg’s speech and decide to reply to

his views on the mosque project in a blog entry in the

online edition of The New York Times. Focus on your

personal experience of the terror attack, its impact

on your life and your vision of a future world.

(Evaluation: re-creation of text)

New York, Aug. 2010

Comment on the speech by Michel Bloomberg1, 2

When I first heard of the idea to build a mosque

in the near of the World Trade Center I was

shocked. The World Trade Center is a place

where a lot of us died, because of some radical

islamistic people.

Well, I know that2 not everyone is like them and

that let me think about this problem deeper. And

I changed my opinion! Why shouldn’t they prey

for the people they have lost on 9/11 in the near

of the place where everything happend?2

I’ve been there because I’ve been a member of

the firefighters who tried to rescue the people

in the towers. I lost a lot of my friends – my

workmates, parts of the family of friends. What

I mean is that in New York everyone knows

someone who died at that dark day. It was a

nightmare for everyone. At that day – and later.

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My everyday life was hard. I couldn’t live with

the guilt that I can’t rescue more people. I’ve

allways been a religious person but at that time I

can’t understand why God let this happened. I

started drinking and my wife and my daughter

left me. My life become even harder and my

brother told me to go to a therapie where they

may help me. And they did2. There where a lot of

other people with different culturs and origins –

but we all had the same problems! We spoke a lot

about everything – not only about 9/11. And we

all learned to accept what happend. We decided

to go to every place of every religion in our group

and pray for all the people we’ve lost. After that

our therapist told us that we were normal – and

we were,2 because we learn how to live with God’s

decisions.

Because of that2,3 I like the idea of a mosque in

the near of this place! I think everyone should

get the chance to come along with everything

and can pray wherever he want.

We are a multicultural and free nation and it

must be posible to build that mosque. For the

futur I wish that everyone can live a normal live.

And when something like this will happen again,

nobody should think about where the victims

come frome and what religion they have, because

we are all New Yorkers!2,3

Mike L.2

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Nr. Kriterium: Der Prüfling… Kommentar Punkte

1 AUFGABENBEZUG

richtet seinen Text konsequent und explizit auf die Aufgabenstellung aus.

max. 6 Punkte

-P. stellt den Aufgabenbezug nicht in allen Teilaufgaben konsequent her (explizites Aufgreifen der fokussierten Aufgabenstellung in Teilaufgabe 2 fehlt: „technical devices“ statt „line of argumentation, use of rhetorical devices and communicative strategies“; Teilaufgabe 3b wirkt - auf den ersten Blick - als Teilaufgabe 3a: „com-ment on the speech …“). -P. beachtet aber durchgängig die Anforderungsberei-che bzw. Operatoren.

4

2 TEXTFORMATE

beachtet die Konventionen der jeweils geforderten Zieltextformate.

max. 6 Punkte

-P. beachtet weitgehend die Konventionen der jeweili-gen Zieltextformate. Teilaufgabe 3 erscheint durch die Verwendung eines passenden subjektiv-wertenden Stils sowie eines im Rahmen des Formats stimmigen Maßes an Rhetorisierung z. B. am Ende des blog entry als dies-bezüglich gelungen. - Stellenweise verwendet der P. allerdings short forms und simple past (z. B. Z. 20,50, 86, 90, 93).

4

3 TEXTAUFBAU erstellt einen sachgerecht strukturierten Text.

max. 8 Punkte

-P. vermag insgesamt, einen kohärenten, für den Leser im Ganzen nachvollziehbar strukturierten Text zu verfassen, auch wenn der Übergang von Teilaufgabe 1 zu Teilaufgabe 2 etwas unvermittelt und zu wenig le-serleitend erfolgt. - Die Leserlenkung durch gliedernde Hinweise, Zusam-menfassungen zentraler Aspekte (in Teilaufgabe 1 fehlend, in Teilaufgabe 2 vorhanden, Z. 121-125) sowie durch funktionale Konnektoren gelingt oft nicht (z. B. sehr häufige Verwendung ausschließlich additiv reihen-der Konnektoren wie afterwards, then, also). - Die inhaltlich-thematische Geschlossenheit der Sinnabschnitte ist häufig nicht in der äußeren Form erkennbar (so z. B. Z. 58-67, Z. 73-85, Z. 111-120).

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4 ÖKONOMIE

gestaltet seinen Text hinreichend ausführlich, aber ohne unnötige Wiederholungen und Umständlichkeiten.

max. 6 Punkte

-P. gestaltet seinen Text insgesamt hinreichend ausführlich, neigt jedoch teilweise zu Umständlichkei-ten (z. B. Z. 1-7) und in Teilaufgabe 2 zu recht stark textchronologischem Vorgehen (z. B. Z. 38ff., Z. 76ff., Z. 86ff., Z. 90ff., Z. 96ff.).

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5 BELEGTECHNIK

belegt seine Aussagen durch eine funktionale Verwendung von Verweisen und Zitaten.

max. 4 Punkte

-P. belegt seine Aussagen (in Teilaufgabe 2) fast durch-gängig am Text (Ausnahmen Z. 68-70, Z. 86-90, Z. 105-107), aber nicht immer funktional mit Blick auf die Orientierung des Lesers (z. B. Z. 50, Z. 58-60, Z. 74-75). - P. hält die Konventionen des Zitierens bis auf wenige Ausnahmen (z. B. fehlende Textstelle: Z. 60-63) weitgehend ein.

2

6 EIGENSTÄNDIGKEIT

löst sich vom Wortlaut des Ausgangstextes und formuliert eigenständig.

max. 6 Punkte

-P. löst sich weitgehend vom Wortlaut des Ausgangs-textes (z. B. Z. 86-89).

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7 ALLGEMEINER und THEMATISCHER WORTSCHATZ

bedient sich eines sachlich wie stilistisch angemessenen und differenzierten allgemeinen und thematischen Wortschatzes.

max. 8 Punkte

- P. verwendet häufig keine präzisen Bezeichnungen von Personen und Sachverhalten, sondern neigt zum Einsatz von personal pronouns wie he und they (z. B. 23-27, Z. 33, Z. 36, Z. 58-60, …). - P. verfügt über einen teilweise wenig differenzierten Wortschatz zum Themenbereich „American Dream“

(z. B. Z. 42-45, Z. 70-73). - P. variiert seinen Wortschatz oft nur wenig und verwendet „Allerweltswörter“ wie say, show, everyone (z. B. Z. 11-17, Z. 58-60, …).

4

8 TEXTBESPRECHUNGS- und TEXTPRODUKTIONSWORTSCHATZ

bedient sich eines sachlich wie stilistisch angemessenen und differenzierten Textbesprechungs- und Textproduktionswortschatzes.

max. 6 Punkte

-P. verfügt über einen eingeschränkten Textbespre-chungswortschatz . - Teilaufgabe 2: einige sprachliche Mittel können be-nannt werden, aber nicht immer treffsicher (z. B. Z. 29, 58), treffende Verben zur Deutung (außer to show) jedoch fehlen weitgehend. - Funktionale, passende linking phrases /connectives zur Deutung und Verknüpfung der Analyseergebnisse werden nicht differenziert genug eingesetzt. -In Teilaufgabe 3 gelingt die Anpassung des Text-produktionswortschatzes an das Format des blogs.

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9 SATZBAU

bedient sich eines variablen und dem jeweiligen Zieltextformat angemessenen Satzbaus.

max. 10 Punkte

-P. verwendet zwar ansatzweise unterschiedliche Satzmuster (Hypotaxe: Relativsätze; Parataxe; Aktiv-/ Passivkonstruktionen), allerdings dominieren Struktu-ren wie „he says/shows that..“ und „and that … and that …“ in zu hohem Maße (z. B. Z. 58-60, Z. 96, 98, 101, Z. 117-120); Gerundial- und Partizipialkonstruktionen feh-len weitgehend, so dass die Variabilität des Satzbaus eingeschränkt ist. - Der Text ist jedoch weitgehend flüssig lesbar.

5

10 – 12

beachtet die Normen der sprachlichen Korrektheit.

max. 30 Punkte 10 Wortschatz: max. 12 P. 11 Grammatik: max. 12 P. 12 Orthographie (Rechtschreibung und Zeichensetzung): max. 6 P.

separate Randkorrektur nach W-G-O

W: 5 G: 5 O: 3